It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want to make out with him forever
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize