She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His hands were made for my vagina.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
