I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
