tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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