Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
