:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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