Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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