What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize