My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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