I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
