dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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