I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize