2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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