you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
