i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
