I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
