Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She needs sedatives and a leash
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
