Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
