she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
