That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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