help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
