I'm going to jail i love you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
