Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
