can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
