You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize