She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
