So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
