Welp...herpes.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
