My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
