It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
