yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
