One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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