Who wears a wallet chain?!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I can't put those talents on a resume
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
