i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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