Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
