Quick, to the slutcave!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
