cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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