I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
