My cat gives me a boner
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize