I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
