Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
