i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
