Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
