She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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