You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
