I must be too annoying 4 u.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
