Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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