He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
