I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
