dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
