a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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