she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
