Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
