if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
