just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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