The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
