you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
