so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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