how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
