Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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