I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
