we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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