Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drake has all the answers
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
