I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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