Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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