Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
