I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize