If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
