walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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