Moan for me like Helen Keller
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
