Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
