I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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