How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
