my mouth tastes like poor choices
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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