Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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