I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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