ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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