he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
