I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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