he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
