So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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