i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
