I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
